New Beach Rule: No Crypto Pitches Within 50 Feet Of Lifeguard Towers

City Council approves sweeping new regulations reading 'Please Don't Feed The Promoters' following a sharp increase in blockchain seminars near the public showers.

Lifeguards complained they couldn't hear cries for help over the sound of 'bros' explaining decentralized finance to confused tourists. The new ordinance allows lifeguards to use their rescue buoys defensively if approached with a pitch deck. 'The beach is for sunburns and jellyfish stings, not unsolicited investment advice,' said one local.